7" of Separation

A news editor gets a lot of wacky mail. Check it out:

> From: “xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”
> Date: Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:51:23 PM US/Pacific
> To:
> xxxxxxxx
>
> Dear Mr. President: Send Even MORE Troops (and you go, too!) …from
> Michael Moore
>
> 1/10/07
>
>
>
> Dear Mr. President,
>
> Thanks for your address to the nation. It’s good to know you still
> want to talk to us after how we behaved in November.
>
> Listen, can I be frank? Sending in 20,000 more troops just ain’t gonna
> do the job. That will only bring the troop level back up to what it
> was last year. And we were losing the war last year! We’ve already had
> over a million troops serve some time in Iraq since 2003. Another few
> thousand is simply not enough to find those weapons of mass
> destruction! Er, I mean… bringing those responsible for 9/11 to
> justice! Um, scratch that. Try this — BRING DEMOCRACY TO THE MIDDLE
> EAST! YES!!!
>
> You’ve got to show some courage, dude! You’ve got to win this one!
> C’mon, you got Saddam! You hung ‘im high! I loved watching the video
> of that — just like the old wild west! The bad guy wore black! The
> hangmen were as crazy as the hangee! Lynch mobs rule!!!
>
> Look, I have to admit I feel very sorry for the predicament you’re in.
> As Ricky Bobby said, “If you’re not first, you’re last.” And you being
> humiliated in front of the whole world does NONE of us Americans any
> good.
>
> Sir, listen to me. You have to send in MILLIONS of troops to Iraq, not
> thousands! The only way to lick this thing now is to flood Iraq with
> millions of us! I know that you’re out of combat-ready soldiers — so
> you have to look elsewhere! The only way you are going to beat a
> nation of 27 million — Iraq — is to send in at least 28 million!
> Here’s how it would work:
>
> The first 27 million Americans go in and kill one Iraqi each. That
> will quickly take care of any insurgency. The other one million of us
> will stay and rebuild the country. Simple.
>
> Now, I know you’re saying, where will I find 28 million Americans to
> go to Iraq? Here are some suggestions:
>
> 1. More than 62,000,000 Americans voted for you in the last election
> (the one that took place a year and half into a war we already knew we
> were losing). I am confident that at least a third of them would want
> to put their body where there vote was and sign up to volunteer. I
> know many of these people and, while we may disagree politically, I
> know that they don’t believe someone else should have to go and fight
> their fight for them — while they hide here in America.
>
> 2. Start a “Kill an Iraqi” Meet-Up group in cities across the country.
> I know this idea is so early-21st century, but I once went to a Lou
> Dobbs Meet-Up and, I swear, some of the best ideas happen after the
> third mojito. I’m sure you’ll get another five million or so enlistees
> from this effort.
>
> 3. Send over all members of the mainstream media. After all, they were
> your collaborators in bringing us this war — and many of them are
> already trained from having been “embedded!” If that doesn’t bring the
> total to 28 million, then draft all viewers of the FOX News channel.
>
> Mr. Bush, do not give up! Now is not the time to pull your punch!
> Don’t be a weenie by sending in a few over-tired troops. Get your
> people behind you and YOU lead them in like a true commander in chief!
> Leave no conservative behind! Full speed ahead!
>
> We promise to write. Go get ‘em W!
>
> Yours,
>
> Michael Moore
>
> mmflint@aol.com
> www.michaelmoore.com
>
> maillist@michaelmoore.com
>
>
————————
Andrew Nealon
Editor
Tri-County News
xxx-xxxx
————————

I’m Michael Moore… blech. I’m pithy. Ooh la la.

This next one is actually pretty interesting. I had no idea they had backup packs.

RED CROSS IS DELIVERING MEALS ON WHEELS TODAY

(EUGENE, January 12, 2007) – The Oregon Pacific Chapter of the American Red Cross is providing Meals on Wheels delivery to our clients today.

The Meals on Wheels program sponsored by the local Red Cross serves about 300 hot, nutritious meals each weekday to homebound seniors in most areas of Eugene, parts of Springfield north of Highway 105 and some rural locations.

The program will be serving a hot meal to all Meals on Wheels clients today. Most seniors also will receive a frozen meal meant to be eaten on Monday. The Red Cross is closed on Monday because of the Martin Luther King Jr. Day holiday.

On Thursday, the Meals on Wheels program called each of our clients to alert them that we would not be delivering that day and to ask them to use one meal from non-perishable blizzard packs that were delivered before winter.

The blizzard packs contain three complete meals. When they are delivered, clients are told to hold their boxes until notified. Then, if winter weather forces the Meals on Wheels program to halt deliveries for a day or two, clients are called and told to break open their blizzard packs.

You can help support the Meals on Wheels program in our community by making a financial gift to the local American Red Cross. Contributions to the Red Cross may be sent to the Oregon Pacific Chapter at 862 Bethel Drive, Eugene, OR 97402 or visit online at oregonpacific.redcross.org. Call (541) 344-5244 for more information

The American Red Cross helps people prevent, prepare for and respond to emergencies. Last year, almost a million volunteers and 35,000 employees helped victims of almost 75,000 disasters; taught lifesaving skills to millions; and helped U.S. service members separated from their families stay connected. Almost 4 million people gave blood through the Red Cross, the largest supplier of blood and blood products in the United States. The American Red Cross is part of the International Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement. An average of 91 cents of every dollar the Red Cross spends is invested in humanitarian services and programs. The Red Cross is not a government agency; it relies on donations of time, money and blood to do its work.