After covering the Harrisburg City Council meeting, which was riveting, especially when we went over beekeeping ordinances, I stopped at my local Dari Mart for a pack of cigarettes and some butter. The trip was successful, but when I was checking out, the shopkeep asked what the difference between the blue Spirits and yellow Spirits was. (I smoke blue, and, yes, I have cut back considerably since moving away from college and Portland. I am down to about two a day.) It went something like this:
Can I get a pack of American Spirit Blue as well?
SHOPKEEP
Sure. Hey, what’s the difference between the blue and yellow?
ME
Blue is regular and yellow is light. Like Camels and Camel Lights.
SHOPKEEP
What does it matter? A “light” cigarette? It’s all “non-addictive tobacco.”
(She did air quotes.)
ME
Right. I think it has to do with the amount of nicotine.
SHOPKEEP
It’s all that “non-addictive tobacco” though.
ME
Well, the tobacco isn’t addictive. It’s the nicotine.
SHOPKEEP
You’re making me angry. You need to leave.
ME
On my way.
Okay… so. It turns out, light really doesn’t mean anything. Apparently, light cigarettes have tiny pinholes on the filter that allow smoke to escape, causing the smoker to smoke “lighter feeling” smoke. Everything else is the same. Nothing but tiny holes. In fact, many smokers cover the holes with their fingers or lips, causing the same result as a regular. So, really there is no difference. The argument was pointless to begin with.
But, in the end, should the Dari Mart clerk really try to give me a message? I wasn’t buying porn. Or alcohol. Arguably, these things are just as bad or worse for society. Anyway… thats not the point. Point is… I have literally no idea what the hell she was arguing. No clue. I know it was a critique and I angered her somehow. Oh well… it reminds me of that scene in clerks, but she was throwing the cigarettes at me instead.
Oh… and I was buying butter. Thats like pure fat! But, she was a little overweight, so I guess she wouldn’t yell at me for eating saturated fats.